its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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