I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
