I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
