Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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