See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When did angry sex become our thing?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
