I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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