here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
