i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
