he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
