writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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