I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize