I am spending my child support on dildos
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
