He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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