I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm like, not good at living.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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