"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
