im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
