Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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