My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
