The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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