I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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