what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
