i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i now understand why vodka
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize