Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she smelled like a LAN party
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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