She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize