Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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