You can't motorboat a personality
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
