i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
