I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will pee on everything he values.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
