I'm sorry my penis didn't work
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
