i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
