This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
