So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
