She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
