i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
