omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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