Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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