"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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