I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish i was in the wii world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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