My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
