I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
