so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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