He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
