I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
