spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
