Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
