Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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