..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
