You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
