Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
