why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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