All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
