i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
