She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
