You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
