wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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