Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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