How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
