i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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