Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
