weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
