He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
