Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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