um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
