matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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