Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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