why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
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