You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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