When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
