I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
