I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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