did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
