when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
