My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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