I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
