hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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