hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
