Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
