like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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