It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need to calm my uterus...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
