Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
