3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
