You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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